Teach your child HOW to think, not so much WHAT to think

The greatest gift you can give your children is the motivation and judgment to figure things out sensibly, every day. And what a gift to yourself, too!

In Smart Parenting you will discover a groundbreaking approach you can use with your children to help them be successful now and throughout their lives.

You will learn fun activities and powerful techniques that will unleash your children's creativity and put them on a path to becoming "can-do kids." After even one activity you will see a noticeable improvement in your children's confidence and how they make decisions. Think of the joy you will see on their faces when they have solved a tough problem with the tools you gave them to work things out on their own — and how much happier life around the breakfast table will be!

Children want to be resourceful and sell-reliant — all they need are examples and your encouragement.

Dr. Brad Smart is a world-renowned psychologist specializing in developing the talents of people in organizations. He is author of four books including best sellingTopgrading: How Leading Companies Win by Hiring, Coaching, and Keeping the Best People.

Dr. Kate Smart Mursau is a family therapist and mother. Her doctoral dissertation showed resourcefulness to be a highly valuable life skill... and that few parents develop resourcefulness in their children.

This father-daughter team provides fun, practical activities and inspiring insights that will build your children's self-esteem and decision-making ability.

The Smart Parenting Equation

Resourceful children and adults begin each day energized — they're not just able to deal with whatever the day brings, but also eager to do it. They live with zest. They love figuring out how to get over, around, or through barriers to success.

Resourcefulness is motivation (drive, energy, and passion) guided by the ability to make good, rational decisions. That's the Smart Parenting Equation — and it requires both motivation and good decision-making skills.

Resourcefulness = Motivation x Decision Making

Children who are bursting with energy, confidence, and creativity can make disastrous decisions with terrible consequences if they don't learn how to think things through. On the other hand, having good, sensible judgment but no passion, no spark, or no energy is awful too. Lack of motivation prevents creativity and denies the child deep joy and satisfaction.

3,000 high achievers said resourcefulness is the most important skill to success.

Fun is the high octane fuel for resourcefulness.

Smart Parenting Opportunities

Smart Parenting Opportunity…	Missed…	Taken…
Toddler who can put on her shoes	Parent does it for her	Parent encourages toddler to do it
Seven-year old should leave for soccer practice now, but his bike tire needs air	Parent pumps up tire or drives him to practice	Parent suggests child pumps up tire
Fifteen-year old’s project is missing a one-paragraph summary; it’s 11 PM	Parent writes it	Parent does not offer to “rescue” child, but instead asks, “What are your key points?”
Ten-year old has fight with best friend	Parent calls friend’s parent to resolve the problem	Parent coaches child to figure out positive solution

The Wrong Kind of Ph.D.

With the best of intentions, some parents give kids the kind of PHD no one needs. This PHD stands for all the wrong characteristics:

P is for passive. Passive kids don't figure things out — they wait to be told. They don't act or initiate much, except, perhaps, to ask for yet another purchase. They're… "spoiled." They wait for parents and other adults to give them things and advice.

H is for helpless. Helpless kids can't figure things out. How could they? They've never been taught how. Often, their efforts have even been squashed: "Don't touch that, I'll do it!"

D is for dependent. Dependent kids let other people figure things out for them, and do things for them.

Being passive, helpless, and dependent is a dangerous way to go through life! But it's what we as a society encourage kids to be. We may allow them to choose activities (soccer or piano) but they are seldom allowed to initiate and organize and create after-school activities for themselves. We encourage them to be physically active, but only for a few hours a week, usually during sports or classes supervised and organized by adults. Certainly, we give them plenty of opportunities to think about what they will buy (with money we give them!), but not much practice solving their own problems, or formulating and expressing thoughts about the world around them or about moral values.

In short, many children today have nothing like the kind of freedom, independence, and responsibility kids used to enjoy. Is it surprising that kids who never had the chance to organize a sandlot baseball game or figure out how to build a go-kart or fix a tractor show little initiative? As a society we say we want our kids to show initiative, to be creative, to be responsible, and to use good judgment; but we don't give them many opportunities to develop those qualities. Toys R Us stores have entire sections devoted to stimulating creativity, but most of the toys involve only crafts, not creativity in resolving conflicts, avoiding drugs, or starting a lawn mowing business.

In general, parents offer children too many pre-manufactured, pre-organized experiences, and we allow kids' free time to be consumed by passive video viewing or violent and repetitive video games of questionable value. When we say, "Let me do that for you" or "Let me show you," we are usually helpful, but not always. Parents must show how to change a light bulb safely, for example. But too often parents do things kids could do or give advice just to save time.

Whatever the intentions are, too much advice sends the message: "You can't do it, so I'll do it." Or, "The way you will do it won't be good enough, so follow my instruction." A child can eventually conclude, "I can't do anything on my own," "I'm not competent," "I'm not worthy." The PHD is the most powerful self-esteem squasher on earth. (Source: http://www.asksmartparenting.com)

Teach your child HOW to think, not so much WHAT to think

Too many gifts spoil kids' motivation. Too much advice makes them passive and dependent on you.

What could be a better use of time than bonding with your children while teaching them some of the most important skills in life?